I've been reading  Douglas Coupland's Girlfriend In A Coma. I'd recommend it, it's a good book  (I've only got 20 pages left, so I'm hoping I won't regret saying that). This  isn't a review of that book though.
 One of the things  that book is about is how "empty" modern life is. It's a feeling I've been  having lately. It's the eternal question: what's the meaning of life?  
 I'm not holding  out for an answer from the book, indeed I'm not holding out for any one answer,  as I suppose there are as many answers as there are people. Not that I'm saying  everyone has a cosmic purpose, I'm just saying different people have different  values, and therefore the meaning they give to their life will be different. For  example, a suicide bomber's meaning will be different to a fashion model's  meaning - as well it should.
 To this end, I  suppose I've been trying to figure out what I want the meaning, or purpose, of  my life to be. 
 When I was a kid,  this was a really easy thing, because I didn't realise there'd be anything  stopping me doing whatever the hell I want. And, in a way, there still isn't -  the biggest hurdle is my own inhibitions. 
 Why  shouldn't I travel more? because I'm scare of it. 
 Why shouldn't I  work for myself? because I'm scared of it not working. 
 Having to think  about Amy is also a good excuse for not doing stuff too - I have to think about  her fears, or at least I can think that some of my own fears are hers.  
 When I was really  young, I was happy to accept the Jesus crap that my parents told me. Losing that  left a big a hole, which I suppose I've filled with veganism (at least you can  argue for it logically!), but left me without a purpose to my  life.
 Anyway, this is  kind of where I'm at with it - What do I want to do with my life?  
 I know some  things I don't want to do with my life:
    - Spend it writing    the same lines of data access code that I've written 1000 times    before.
- Doing evil (well,    not serious evil).
- Nothing.
- Being addicted to    anything.
- Being    ill.
But, they don't  really help answer the question, especially if there are a near infinite number  of possibilities.
 The flip side to  this is, of course, my ability to change. If I decide to be an astronaut  (yeah, it should have been on the list above...), am I able to change  myself sufficiently to achieve that? Am I using this as another excuse not to  even try?
 So many  questions...all I need now is to come up with some  answers.
 One thing -  does this  feeling disappear when I pass 30? Most of my friends above that age seem  really sorted out - at least spiritually (maybe philosophically is a better  term?).